Soul Ownership

My wife and I just bought a 1938 Salt Box home in Connecticut that is nestled in a magical one-acre wooded lot. It is a quintessential New England home. We are so thankful that we get to call it home. The past two homes we have owned were among thousands like them in the Texas suburban sprawl. They came turnkey ready with multi-year warranties. The reality is we have never really experienced the joys of home ownership till owning an 88-year-old home.

We knew there were going to be a lot of projects when we bought this house. I went into it knowing that this home was going to be an ongoing lesson in patience, acceptance, and contentment. Knowing this is one thing. Living through it is another.

We had a list of projects we knew we needed to tackle right away. However, we have quickly discovered that there is a whole new list of unexpected projects that need our attention (and money). This new list keeps growing by the day.  

Part of me is holding onto the idea that this home is an opportunity to grow me into a person marked with greater patience, acceptance, and contentment. The other part of me wants everything done yesterday and at a fair price.

I am talking about our new house, but I am also talking about my soul.

We all have areas of our lives we know need work. These things are most clearly observed by the people we live closest to. Our impatience. Our short tempers. Our toxic anxiety. The list can go on. But there are the other things that are deeper inside us that we often don’t realize are broken. These are often the deeper character flaws that we have learned to hide from the world and ourselves, even.

The longer I follow Jesus, the more I sense him trying to access those deeper places of brokenness. It’s the thing behind my impatience. It’s the thing behind my anxiety. It’s the thing behind my anger. These are not things that can be covered up with a few coats of paint or organized with a shelf from Ikea. These things require my soul to be brought down to the studs, so that Jesus can begin to rebuild me. And just like my home, this will take a lifetime.

Today I invite you to PAUSE and ask Jesus to gently reveal to you the deeper places of your soul that he desires to renovate.

As we begin, take a few deep breaths in and out. In and out.

PAUSE.

Pray: Holy Spirit, I give you permission to enter my house. To poke around and shine your light into the dark corners that have been ignored for nearly a lifetime.

Reflect:

LORD, you have searched me and known me! (Psalm 139:1)

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? (Psalm 139:7)

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! (Psalm 139:23–24)

PAUSE.

Pray: Come, Lord Jesus. Have your way in me. I trust you. Amen.

Last week we got a lot of rain. Thankfully, my basement stayed dry (which is a rare thing in New England), but my garage turned into a shallow pond. I was annoyed to say the least. The next day I was drying out my garage, and another dad walked by. He saw what I was doing and told me he had a foot of water in his basement. But he wasn’t fazed by it. He had been through this before. He told me that all the homes on our street are old and beautiful (they are all from the 20s-40s), but that means they all need a lot of work all the time. It’s just part of living where we do. You get used to it.

Knowing this brought me some peace. I am not alone in my frustrations. And by God’s grace, I pray I come to accept this reality as my neighbor has. We are always being renovated. We will never be done till either Christ calls us home or he returns to make all things new.

So, may God send you a fellow soul owner this week to remind you that you are not alone. This is just what it means to be human.

Grace and peace.