Well, That Sucked!

Here is some math for you. I have been at St. Paul for 50 weeks. I have preached 46 times in those 50 weeks. That is a lot of sermons. Last Sunday was the first time since I got here that I preached what I would consider a total dud of a sermon. It was bad. I am sure there have been other duds in those 46 sermons, but this was the first one I knew was terrible. I felt like the teacher from Charlie Brown, just a trombone making senseless noise. From the opening, I was telling myself Just shut your mouth and sit down. Th” The first thought that came to mind when I finally wrapped it up was, “Well, that sucked.” It wasn’t a dud because of a lack of study, prep, or prayer. It just didn’t land. Even in my prep, I had a sense it was going to be a dud. And boy was I right. My congregation is gracious, and I got the typical, “Good sermon, pastor.” They were just being nice, and for that I am thankful.

Typically, I beat myself up over things like this. I tend to ruminate on what I could have done differently. I keep waiting for that email to pop up in my inbox from the congregant who has finally discovered I really am no good. I eventually accept the reality that I will never preach a good sermon again. I might as well draft my resignation letter and go back to working at Trader Joe’s.

But, by God’s grace, I didn’t fall into that cycle of shame this week. I graciously received the “Thanks for the good sermon, pastor.” Then, when I got in my car I named out loud, that for whatever reason, it was a dud of a sermon, and assured myself life will go on and then went on with my day.

As I was going to bed that night, I was surprisingly thankful for the experience because it reminded me that God’s grace is bigger than my failures. Resting in God’s grace allowed me to show myself the very grace he shows me every moment of every day.

We all fail at the things we care most deeply about. We all let others down and even ourselves down at times. We are all vulnerable to be sucked into the swirling vortex of the shame tornado.

Today I invite you to PAUSE and rest in God’s grace in the midst of your failures.

Pray. Holy Spirit, quiet my mind, body, and soul as I pause today.

Pause.

Reflect. Bring to mind a time you failed at something you care deeply about. Name that thing, that event, whatever it is, out loud before God. What emotions come up as you name it out loud? Name those emotions out loud too.

Stay. Sit with whatever emotions are coming up. Don’t run from them. Don’t try to justify the failure. Just name it and sit with it.

Pause.

Read. Hear Jesus’ words to you. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9–10)

Pause.

Reflect. I don’t want to admit that I am weak, let alone put my weaknesses on display for others to see. Yet, that is where true power lies. That is where true strength is found. Jesus does his best work through our weaknesses.

Pause.

Pray. Jesus, as I hold my weaknesses, and even my failures, before you, I surrender all shame, all guilt, all attempts to self-justify and erase those moments from my life to you. I surrender my shame to your grace. I ask that as I hold my weaknesses before you, you show me what it means to be content with my weaknesses. I ask that you show me that when I am weak, then I am strong. Not by my power, but only by your power. Jesus, I receive your grace today. Amen.