Me First

Over the summer, Parched ran a 6-week summer refresher cohort. It was a beautiful time to develop new spiritual rhythms and invest in new friendships. One participant was Anthony Morphis. Anthony penned today’s Pause. I felt convicted and encouraged when I first read it. I pray you are blessed by it as well. Enjoy.

I have gone into prayer more than once convinced that God needed to deal with someone else.

I knew what they had done.

I knew why I was frustrated.

I knew how I had been offended.

And if I’m being truthful, I had a pretty good idea of what I thought God needed to show them.

But somewhere in prayer, the attention shifted.

The Holy Spirit began dealing with me.

That can be uncomfortable.

We often come to God wanting clarity about someone else, but sometimes He lovingly turns the light toward our own hearts.

David prayed:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23–24 NKJV

Notice what David prayed:

Search me.

Not, “Search the person who hurt me.”

Not, “Show them I was right.”

Not, “Make them understand what they did.”

Search me.

That takes courage.

Because sometimes what we call intercession is carrying more offense than we realize.

We pray, “Lord, open their eyes.”

But underneath it, we may be thinking, “Show them I was right.”

We pray, “Lord, deal with them.”

But beneath that prayer may be hurt, resentment, or the need to be understood.

God does care about what happened.

He is not asking us to pretend wrong is right.

But He loves us too much to let someone else’s sin determine the condition of our own heart.

So, for a moment today, PAUSE.

Think about the person or situation that has been occupying your prayers.

Take a slow breath.

Now ask:

What is happening in my own heart?

Is there offense here?

Fear? Pride? Resentment? The need to be right?

Do I want restoration - or vindication?

You do not have to manufacture an answer.

Just sit honestly before the Lord.

Then pray:

“Search me, O God.”

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you anything in your heart that does not reflect Jesus.

And if He reveals something, do not run from His light.

Bring it to Him.

Let Him cleanse it.

Let Him heal it.

Let Him form you.

Then pray for that person again.

Not against them.

For them.

For God’s mercy.

For truth.

For conviction.

For freedom.

For restoration.

Before I ask God to change what is around me, I want to permit Him to transform what is within me.

Search me. Cleanse me. Form me. Then send me.